Return To The Center

RTTC Christmas Music - Love Itself

RTTC Christmas Music

Song begins at the 1:30 mark.

We kill them

"I hate it when they say, “He gave his life for his country.” Nobody gives their life for anything. We steal the lives of these kids. We take it away from them. They don’t die for the honor and glory of their country. We kill them." 

Rear Admiral Gene Larocque (ret)

Re-Emergence

I told D yesterday that if it were not for her that Christmas decorating in our house would be non-existent.  I said this as I grumpily went with her to get a Christmas tree.  I'm smack dab in the middle of my "Make-this-holiday-season-crap-just-go away" mood.  Poor D.  She loves all of this, trees, ornaments, ribbon, wreaths, lights.
 

Once we got the tree home and set up, D set about lighting and decorating him.  It was a bittersweet exercise for her.  We have ornaments from the past 27 years we've been in this house.  Every year, D got the kids an ornament of their own to hang on the tree.  Decorating the tree with all the kid-ornaments was an expedition back in time.  We spoke of all the Christmases when the kids were little, how they used to laugh like hyenas when decorating the tree, how flummoxed they were when they found out there was no Santa ("You mean *you guys* bought all this stuff?") and just how fleeting 27 years really is.

For the rest of the winter, I'll be putting down the Rosary making equipment and working on the ripple afghan I started 2 years ago.  It's a double-threaded, single-crochet ripple pattern.  Once done, it will be heavy and warm.  Getting it to finished will take lots of time since each row only adds about a quarter inch to the length.

I just this second remembered something.  One huge bright spot in the holidays is the re-emergence from exile in the cellar of that piece of iconic Americana...  Here she is - American Masterpiece,  present from my Son A...
 

The Leg Lamp.

Throw it away

12.  Q:  What is the Buddha?
   A:  Your Mind is the Buddha.  The Buddha is Mind.  Mind and Buddha are indivisible.  Therefore it is written:  "That which is Mind is the Buddha;  if it is other than Mind, it is certainly other than Buddha."  The Zen Teachings of Huang Po - John Blofeld Translator

45.  When you've understood this scripture, throw it away. If you cant understand this scripture, throw it away. I insist on your freedom. The Scripture of the Golden Eternity Jack Kerouac

It don't pay to get too fucking religious, my lit-tel Royzee! - Dick Strong, 80 year old laborer, co-worker and Teacher.

Vigil

I arrived at the Reading People for Peace vigil about 10 minutes late.  Folks were already standing out in the cold with their flags and signs.  When I was about 30 yards away, my friend Brewster saw me, did a tiny double-take and began to wag his tail.  It's so breathtaking the unadulterated, unguarded emotions Dogs show.  I walked up and even before picking out my favorite sign ("No End In Sight") I bent down and spoke with my friend,  rubbed his head, told him he was beautiful, and that it was good to see him.  He leaned his body against my shins as I talked to him.

The big American flag that flies in Reading center was flying straight out for a good bit of the time.  The wind was brisk and the temperature was high 20's low 30's.  Although I usually like to stand next my friend Brewster and his Human 'L', the line had already formed so I took my place at the end.

To my surprise Sister Linda was at the end of the line too at the vigil this month.  I always learn a lot by listening to her.  Today's topics included stealing ("If you have more than you need, you're stealing from the poor."), the history of women religious in the early Church,  the struggle of Nuns when they first came to this country, and of course - what it means to be a Christian when it comes to war and killing.  A kindred conflater of the spiritual and everyday - Sister's position is that nobody should be calling themselves a Christian if they are involved in the war.  There were no weasel words.  No shades of gray.  As with the last time I spoke with her, I was touched by her energy and her fearlessness.

At the end of our hour together, we rolled up the flags and put all the signs back in L's tattered and duct-tape patched plastic trash bag.  We joked that eventually (and sadly) that we'd use the bag so long that some day it would be one big patch.

The Cost
1,366,350 Iraqi Dead
4370 American Dead (Iraq)
100,000+ American Wounded (Iraq)
325 Coalition Dead (Iraq)
1395 Contractor Dead (Iraq)
934 American Dead (Afghanistan)
604 Coalition Dead(Afghanistan)

$942,059,350,175

thank you..

Thank you to all visitors of this webrag.  Aside from relatives and patient accommodating friends, I don't know why most of you drop by, but I know you're there.  Thanks for the company.  Much appreciated.

monday nights

Most Monday nights I wait for her to arrive at the subway station.  I get there early so she won't have to wait in the dark, alone.  While I sit in my car, I take pictures and I wonder what's in the white van...

oh yeah - and for all you investors out there...

In light of the recent decision by our war president to send more of our children to Afghanistan, I'm sure there are some free marketeers out there that are looking for a dollar upside.  My dear investors, if you think you'll be making a killing (so to speak) by buying into in a publicly traded body bag company, or 'human remains pouch' as the Army prefers to call them, forget it.  The Pentagon planned way ahead of you on this one.  In 2001, they stocked up on 23,000 body bags.  In 2003, they increased their inventory to around 34,000. 

Gotta think ahead if you want to make money people.

Will Matt, Meredith, and Al Sit Down & Shut the Fuck Up?

The war president I help elect has gathered his staff and his generals and sent them out to sell our country's latest tragedy to us: 30,000 more of our children will be sent to the graveyard of empires for a no win, no exit strategy, no plan expedition.  They've even enlisted the aid of the "50 Ways to Cook Your Holiday Turkey!" crowd of the Today show, Matt Lauer, Meredith Viera and Al Roker to market Barack's "thoughtful approach to the crisis in Afghanistan."

Yesterday, while eating my fake eggs and swilling French-roast at my kitchen table, I watched as softball questions were tossed to Secretary Gates.  No followup, no probing, no challenge, no nuttin. Then there was the truly vomit-inducing scene of Matt getting all erect over an Army MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected) vehicle.  Matt showed us the keen way the bottom was shaped to direct the blasts outward from the vehicle.  He gushed that the windows were "this thick!", indicating about three inches with his well manicured fingers.

What none of them said of course is that we shouldn't be in Afghanistan at all. Period.  They didn't even raise it as a possibility.  War is a given.  Their job is to socialize the notion of perpetual war to the nation.  Of course, they can't come right out and say that because their parent company is G.E. whose Ecoimagineers make a pant load from mil-spec aircraft engines etc.  Wouldn't it be just a bit of bloom off that earth-friendly flower to link their interest in war profits to "bringing good things to life?"

Oh yes - one other thing friendly, handsome Matt forgot to mention about the studly MRAPS: While they certainly have saved lives, they also crush spines and cause blunt force trauma head injuries.  These injuries stem from when the explosions lift the vehicle into the air and it gets slammed back down to earth (as a 16 ton item is wont to do). Human bodies contained in these "cool-o" machines don't do well while they're being tossed around.  Matt didn't mention that spinal cord injuries were way way up for troops in both of Barack's wars.  Why would he do that though? That would be such a buzz-kill.

My point is this.  We shouldn't be in Afghanistan.  We are wasting our children's lives and our national treasure in an unwinnable situation.  The government must be harassed on all sides to account for itself.  The press used to help do that.  If they can no longer do that then I dearly wish that they would cease and desist from puff pieces.  We could start with the Today show sticking to what they do best, rehashing mindless banalities like "The new trend in socks with toes, rainbow patterns!!" 

Please don't take this the wrong way Matt, Meredith, and Al, but when it comes to Barack's wars,  sit down and shut the fuck up.

Chuang Yen Monastery - Carmel, NY

 
 

"Now, I, Vairocana Buddha am sitting atop a lotus pedestal; On a thousand flowers surrounding me are a thousand Sakyamuni Buddhas. Each flower supports a hundred million worlds; in each world a Sakyamuni Buddha appears. All are seated beneath a Bodhi-tree, all simultaneously attain Buddhahood. All these innumerable Buddhas have Vairocana as their original body." - Brahma Net Sutra

Vairocana - transforms ignorance into wisdom.  This is the largest such statue in the western hemisphere.  10,000 small Buddha statues surround him. More pictures from the visit are here.

Chuang Yen Monastery - Carmel, NY

2009:12:04 14:20:34

 
 

 
 

where do all the well-lit paths lead?

how do people change?

Harper: In your experience of the world. How do people change?

Mormon Mother: Well it has something to do with God so it's not very nice. God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the pain! We can't even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn. It's up to you to do the stitching.

Harper: And then get up. And walk around.

Mormon Mother: Just mangled guts pretending.

One of my most favorite people called me tonight as he drove home.  I love talking to him.  I hear about his week, he hears a bit about mine, and sometimes we share a laugh.  Tonight we spoke about change.  Specifically how nigh on impossible it is for people to change and to what lengths people will go to not to change. He told me that he thought that if the coping mechanisms people used in their lives (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, workaholism, whatever) didn't hinder their basic program, their basic routine, then they wouldn't change period. 

Our talk reminded me of one of my favorite parts of "Angels in America", the conversation between the character Harper and a statue of a Mormon Mother on a wagon headed west.  The figure comes alive and tells Harper to ask her something. Harper starts with "Was it hard?"  The response comes "You ain't stupid, so don't ask stupid.  Ask something real."  It is then the Harper asks her question about change.  I love the answer the Mormon Mother gives.  It is full of the pain and violence and grief of true change.  It's not the "tender green shoots of the economic recovery."  It is tumult.  It is displacement.  It is dis-ease. And - forever after you are just mangled guts walking around pretending.

As I write this post, I think also of a recent conversation with another dear friend, 'J' who spoke to me of the Great Mystery of being and his faith that there is a G-d. I contrasted his view that there is a loving G-d behind everything with my own view that we are tiny anomalies in a vast howling void.  At times I feel envious of him for his settled sense of how things work.  I tell him that part of me really would love to believe the story.  The other part of me always steps in and says "well.. that's all fine and good but what about this?" and the tiny possibility of faith disappears - a raindrop on hot slate. And so it has been with me since I was a child.

For me to change with respect to faith, and I fear in any respect really, G-d will have to open me with a jagged thumbnail as the Mother Morman describes.  Anything short of trauma will yield nothing.  

I say - let's have at it.  Crack me open.

I have the needle and thread all ready.