And the people say -
Holy Week and Lent in general are supposedly good times for reflection and self-assessment. Hence, this post.
Flannery O'Connor (I think) said once (something like) "Faith is what you know to be true whether you believe it or not."
Along those lines - I know in my bones that there is Something There. I cannot shake this knowing. Creative force. The Force. Great Spirit. The Great Lake of Divine Love. God. Take your pick.
I just can't believe it most of the time.
I can't believe it because - well - because who knows? Pride? Doubt? Sin? Willful ignorance? All of the above?
I tell myself and others that I can't believe because of what I experience and witness every single day above ground - the great blood-red, standing wave of suffering - with no apparent helpful intervention from The Great Pumpkin or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Shiva, or Buddha, or Jesus or His Blessed Mother.
My Priest says that the ways of G-d are "completely unbound by our marks or measures" and that it can take years to get close to discerning them. Some others have said "Believe and you will see." I am so far from their abilities to believe. They may as well be a different species entirely.
This Holy Week, I remain a crooked, bent, chunk of granite - mute - blind - moving only by the grace of plate tectonics, in a direction I know not.